Don't 'Fake It 'Til You Make It'

In coaching early-stage startup founders, I hear a lot of speculation about what investors care about: They’re more likely to invest in someone who “sounds like they know what they’re doing,” who “can answer their questions with confidence,” etc. These speculations are usually accompanied by a great deal of impostor syndrome—i.e., the nagging fear that one’s facade of certainty and confidence will be stripped away to reveal the floundering rookie founder underneath. 

We’ve all been in some version of this situation: We’re faced with a great opportunity, be it our dream job or a prestigious graduate school program or a meeting with a big-name investor, and we have trouble believing we’re really qualified. 

What’s the best approach to take in such situations? Is it, as is so often advised, to “fake it 'til we make it,” puffing ourselves up like a blowfish and affecting an air of confidence that we inwardly lack? Is it, on the other hand, to wear our self-doubts on our sleeve, perhaps even passing on the interview or the investor meeting entirely because we don’t want to waste their time? 

The real answer is neither of these, as they are two sides of a false dichotomy proceeding from the same unchecked assumption: that our felt doubts are grounded in reality. We feel like impostors who aren’t qualified for this job or that investor pitch opportunity, so we take that emotional narrative at face value, and then we either work to conceal it (via “faking”) or we openly endorse it. 

What if, instead, we take our anxiety as a cue to form (or re-form) a fuller and more honest view of the situation, and let that be what guides our response? I refer to this approach as “remembering what you know.” It is a framework that helps me understand and more effectively implement the wide range of science-based techniques both for regulating our conflicted emotions in the moment, and reprogramming them over time. 

In the rest of this piece, I will explain the framework in detail, then give you research and experience-based guidance for employing it, both in emotionally charged moments and as a general practice. Those of you familiar with therapy modalities like CBT and DBT may recognize many of these tactics, which I’m deliberately reconceptualizing here through the lens of “remembering what you know.”

Defining the concept: “Remember what you know”

To bring the concept of “remembering what you know” to life, let’s return to the original example of pitching an investor. (The same thought process will apply to other high-stakes situations, like job interviews.) Instead of burying your fears or acting on them unquestioningly, what if instead you take stock of the distinct combination of skills, perspectives, or character traits you might bring to the table?