1
One day after school, when I was about 12 years old, my mom took me to a doctor’s office that I had never been to before. The doctor didn’t do the usual stuff like shine a light in my eyes or tap my knee with a little hammer to see if I would kick. Instead, he asked me to sit down at a desk and take a test on paper.
The test had pictures of shapes that I had to rotate in my mind. There were logic puzzles. It had stories with questions. The doctor asked how I was feeling and whether I had any trouble in school. (How did they know?) Then I had to sit down at a computer and play a boring game for what seemed like an eternity.
When all the tests were done, the doctor brought my mom in from the waiting room and told her that I was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). I was a smart kid, he assured her, but I just had a hard time staying focused. And then he wrote something on a notepad and handed it to her, saying we could pick it up at the pharmacy on the way home.
2
Everyone struggles with focus. We have the things we think we should do, and then we have the things we actually want to do. The gap between them is painful.
Over the years I have often struggled to bridge this gap. I have tried a lot of things: medication, meditation, counseling, journaling, tutoring, drinking water, sleeping more, lifting weights, eating ice cream—the list could go on for a long time.
But of everything I’ve tried, one practice has consistently worked for me: writing. When I feel demotivated or have an impulse to do something outside my area of focus, I open up a blank page and write until I find clarity.
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Sounds like you're writing about me, except without the Adderral induced psychosis lol. Are there times where you are standing intentionally paralyzed between procrastinating and doing what you should? Excellent read, you've given me some hopeful ideas. Thanks-