How I Got My Brain Back

Editor's preface: Once in awhile, we like to dust off our archives and resurface quintessential Every posts. The author of this 2021 article, Brie Wolfson, is one of our favorites. She shares her journey through pandemic-era depression, and the steps she took to regain control of her life. It's an honest and brave account of her struggle, and the tools and systems that helped her cope.

Just over a year* ago, I was hit with my first nasty—and I mean nasty—wave of depression. I made it 32 years without experiencing a crushing inability to get out of bed or a persistent lump in the back of the throat. It was terrifying to face these big, scary feelings without the tools or knowledge to deal with them. 

Before the pandemic, I was used to being on top of it all. Straight A’s. All-American athlete. Two-time novelist. I’d spent a decade-long career in tech working with so many smart, kind, industrious people. And then one day, I could barely muster the motivation to brush my teeth.

Depression is awful, and not everyone finds their way out. I was lucky. Although it took awhile, I eventually got to the other side of it. The experience forced me to figure out what makes me tick, shuts me down, and picks me up. I had to make big changes in my life and get comfortable with accommodating them. 

I wish I had done a lot of this work sooner. Given what I now intimately understand about depression, it feels strange to write those words and even stranger to publish them where anyone might encounter them. From my admittedly fortunate position, I’m grateful for what I learned about myself in the process.